The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
