dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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