I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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