There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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