i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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