That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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