And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
