Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
