Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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