Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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