Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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