Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
