maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
