awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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