Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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