its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
