At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
