he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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