my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
