Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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