After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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