My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
