They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
