Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
