You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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