I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The ass gains better be worth it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
