My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were trust falling into bushes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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