therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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