i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
