we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
