My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
PANTIES FOUND
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