On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
