I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
