Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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