woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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