Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
did i just pee glitter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
