Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
