He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
