Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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