I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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