he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
