just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
