i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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