I am puke
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
