i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
