My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
