At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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