I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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