then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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