Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
