New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
