So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
