didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
