By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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