i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
