doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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