so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
