he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
