Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
