glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
